Divorce

One of my biggest fears about marriage is divorce. Statistically speaking I am set up to go through a divorce in my future. This is through no fault of my own; it’s just statistically proven that children from divorced families, like me, are at higher risk for repeating the pattern by getting a divorce themselves in their future marriages. Just because I am at higher risk does not mean it is enviable. The more we understand divorce and why people get them the more we are able to prevent them.

Statistically showing after 2 years, 70% of people regret their decision of getting a divorce. This proves that people wish they would have not gotten a divorce a stuck it out. So why do people get a divorce in the first place? The answer is simple; most divorces are due to pure selfishness. There are situations in which divorce is necessary however.

Here is a 3 part test for those seeking to determine if ending a marriage is justified:

1. Prolonged Difficulties – Try to repair and reduce these problems

                                            - Go to counseling; try to get rid of the problem

                                             - Try everything possible to save the marriage

2. Apparently Irredeemable Relationship – Little hope to repair

3. Destruction of Human Dignity – Threatens to destroy dignity

                                                     Lose of worth

                                                     Insulting

                                                     Belittlement

Divorce isn't just something you do to escape a problem or issue. Marriage is a commitment and you have made covenants with God regarding your marriage and you can’t just end it whenever marriage gets hard.

For the most part most divorces can be prevented. We need to keep an eternal perspective and keep positive in our marriages. When things get hard we need to keep positive and work together as a couple

Parenting

Parenting is an essential part in God’s plan. We are commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. Having children and parenting is key in understanding our Heavenly Father and his eternal plan. When we are parents ourselves we get a small glimpse into what it is like to be a God. We are all spirit children of God, He is our father. When we become have children of our own we take on the role of mother and father and therefore develop a better understanding of our Father above.

Parenting is beneficial to all. Parenting affects ourselves, our children, and our society. When we parent we develop Christ like attributes such as patients, understanding, love, and gratitude. Our children are affected because as parents we show them love, provide their needs and teach them the gospel. Our society is affected because when we parent we teach our kids how to interact, how to be sociable and we also teach them values and morals. Parenting is key to success for ourselves, our children and our society. We need parenting not only for spiritual reasons but also because it provides so many positive effects temporally.

As we parent we must remember that we need to meet our children’s needs. The universal needs are:

        1.  Power

        2. Contact/Belonging

        3. Protection

        4. Challenge

        5. Withdrawal

As we seek to meet these needs for our children they will be less likely to act out and be obnoxious. For example parents need to give their children attention first before their children start to seek out for it. When kids do not feel like the contact/ belonging need it met that is when children will go to great lengths to seek out for it. We must always remember that we must provide our children with these needs. Some things we can do to help these needs be met are:

-Offer contact freely

-Teach contribution

-Give responsibility

-Provide choices and consequences

-Provide support

-Provide encouragement

-Show love

I know that if we do these things than we are better able to help our children’s needs be met and they will not act out in order to receive these things. 

Work and Home

The concept of work has changed drastically over time. Before the industrial age your home life and your work was one. Most families would work from the home. For example many would have their homes above their businesses or those living on farms would work on their land. This gave opportunities for families to work together. Mom, dad and all the children would be together all day working. Work back then was not separate from the family, work involved the family.

During the industrial age work and family drafted. Fathers were now leaving the home to work 60 plus hours a week. This caused work and family life to completely separate. The focus in life is now to gain money and the idea of spending time with your family has diminished. This idea that money should be placed before spending time with your family is straight from Satan himself. This is his way of trying to tear apart the family, which has been successful.

Now families are focused on getting more money so both parents are working. This causes great separation in the family. The father, mother, and children now all are living separate lives until they come together after work and school. When there is separation like that it is hard to be close with one another.

We need to start prioritizing our lives. Realizing that time spent with your family is worth more than having some extra “play” money. It is important that we spend time with our families so that we can become closer and so that our children can learn from us and not from their peers.