Sexual Intimacy

Sexual Intimacy is to be shared between a man and a women who are married. Sexual intimacy comes with a lot of emotions and it is best to be married and committed to that one person that we share that intimacy with.

Men and women are very different when it comes to sexual intimacy. Men are more likely to be aroused quicker and women take a bit longer to become aroused. A quote that was used was “Men are like microwaves and women are like crock pots” This is so true! Men can be aroused by the smallest thing and want to be intimate however women take a while to reach that point. This brings me to my next discovery. Men want to be sexually active to feel close, safe, and connected to a person however women want to first feel close, safe, and connected before they are sexually active. This can be really frustrating in a relationship however once you get that cycle rolling each partner is receiving what they want and need to feel good in their relationship.

There are many blessings that come from the differences men and women have when it comes to sexual intimacy. Some of these include:

-  All needs can eventually be met

-        -   Helps us understand each other

-        -   We learn to be selfless and put the needs of the other person before our own

-        -   We learn to communicate better (if we can communicate in the awkward intimate setting of the bedroom we sure can communicate about other things)

-          - We learn to develop self-control

-          - Trust can be built

If we want to experience sexual intimacy that will be satisfy both partners the most important thing to remember is that we must thing of the other person while being intimate. This will almost always guarantee that both partners will be satisfied. 

Happily Ever After

Let’s fall in love and live happily ever after!

This statement has been engraved into our minds since we were all little children. All we have to do to live in happiness is to fall in love and marry that person, however what they don’t tell us is how complicated falling in love and being married actually is.

We must first start with the question, what is love, and how do we know we are in love? These are such loaded questions! But isn’t it easy to tell? We have been told that you know you are in love when you feel a spark when you kiss, when you look at them and feel butterflies and of course the typical response of “you can feel it in your heart”. Is this love or just emotions playing with head? Personally I do not believe that you will always “feel” it. We get caught up in trying to “feel” something when we are with someone that we miss what love truly means. So let’s go back to the first question “what is love?” I believe love is a “commitment to the growth and spiritual well-being of one another.” There is no better way to determine what love is than to say that it is caring enough about someone that you put their needs and desires before your own.

I don’t believe that we need to look for our soul mates, because I don’t believe that just one person in this life is perfect for us. This may sound depressing however just because there are no such things as soul mates doesn’t mean there are not people that are better for us. Once you find that person that you care enough about to put them before yourself and they feel the same way you take the next step by getting married. Once you make that step and get married you become than become each other’s soul mates. However once you are married it doesn’t mean you will automatically live “happily ever after”. Marriage takes a lot of hard work but the great thing about is, that it is completely worth it!

Here are some things we need to do to insure marital success:

- Have ongoing courtship (go on dates)
-  Be closer to your spouse than you are to your children
-  Putting God before your spouse and your own desires
- Communication Communication! Communication!
- Recognize the good not the bad in your 
- Make your spouse feel appreciate and needed
- Put your spouse’s needs before your own
- Eliminate the word “I” in decisions
- Dance! (have fun)

Dating

"Would you like to go on a date with me?"

This is one sentence girls do not hear very often. Dating is a thing of the past. Over the years more and more people have dropped this concept of dating and are now just “hanging out”. Why is this? I think one of the main reasons our society has dropped dating is that people put too much expectation on the meaning of a date. Guys are too afraid to ask a girl on a date because they assume the girl will think he is madly in love with her and wants to marry her. What ever happened to going on dates to get to know someone? Dating yes is a key part in marriage preparation however a date does not mean it will lead to marriage. A date should be a time where two people can come to know each other. So what’s so bad about “hanging out” if you want to get to know someone? Well, to me it’s not entirely bad however it is best to go on a date to personally get to know someone. A date is paired off, paid for, and planned. This is key in helping people prepare for their future. A date doesn’t mean they guy wants to marry you, it means he is interested in getting to know you.

Our society has a messed up way of looking at relationships. We go into relationships thinking it will not last and will end horribly. Society has a mentality of “Date them till you hate them.” Now I would be lying if I said this never happened to me, it surely has. However why do we have to hate the person we were with cant we just part peacefully and realize it just wasn’t the person for us?  Dating should be a wonderful experience of learning how to interact with the opposite sex, learning what we want and don’t want in a relationship and preparing us for the future. We should go into dating thinking will can grow and learn instead of thinking man this is going to end terribly. 

Gender Roles

“We badly need to raise our sons more like our daughter” –G. Steinham

This quote just sat up on the white board taunting me. My first thought, why would anyone agree with that? Then it hit me, not everyone recognizes the roles men and women are designed to have. I have heard so many feminist state that we all need to be equal and demolish these roles society gives us. Now I believe men and women need to be equal however I believe they need to be equal in a sense of opportunity not necessarily in the sense that men and women should be the exact same. Society didn’t create these roles, society has affected them yes and greatly implements them however society did not create them. Men and women are born with different traits and with these traits we are better at taking on certain responsibilities. Now this doesn’t mean that men and women cannot share traits or share responsibilities it just means that biologically we are more inclined to do different things.

 Our differences are actually a wonderful thing! Our two personalities once they come together create something so special. Men would be nothing without women and women would be nothing without men. “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (Corinthians 11: 9) We need each other, we complete each other. This is because men have things women do not and women have things men do not. It is so perfect how God created us to need each other. This is the key to our eternal salvation and our progression. 

Social Class

        Can your social class influence your family experience? It sure can! We are constantly being influence by our class. Once we are born into a social class for example lower class, it is very tough to move your way up. I was raised in lower class. I had a single mother who worked long hard hours to provide for us.  I was raised to value different things than those in middle or upper class and these values sure influenced my family. Money was always a sore subject in my home; it caused a lot of stress and a lot of fights. My family learned how to deal with living in an apartment on “the wrong side of town” and we learned that we wouldn't have the best of things but we would have everything we needed. I know that our class changed the way our family functioned. My mom had to work so we didn’t get to see her very often and experience the nurturing mother figure because she had to take on the role of both mother and father and work all day. Because she had to work my sister had to step up and take care of me while my mom was gone. I know this played a huge role in my family structure because my sister wasn’t able to enjoy her childhood while my mother wasn’t able to enjoy motherhood. However being in “lower class” isn’t all horrible. We learned many things from struggling that helped us get closer as a family. We learned how to deal with trials and how to help one another fight through them. I think that whatever social class you are in there are negative and positive effects it can have on your family experience, however it is up to the individual how they are going to take it. 

Family Structure

This week we learned about different family theories. One theory in particular we learned a lot on. This was Family systems theory. Family systems theory states that all members of a family have a part to make the family as a whole. Along with this we learned that each family structure is completely different however the ideal structure, the structure that works the best, according to research and according to my religious beliefs, is to have mom and dad be close together with clear boundaries  above the children and to have the children nearby with clear boundaries as well. This structure is the best because when mom and dad are close together things within the family just go a lot smoother and their relationship is stronger. It is important to have mom and dad above the children because children don’t need “friends” or to have to watch over their own parents, they need clear authoritative figures in their lives. It is also important to have clear boundaries because therefore their parents aren’t too involved in their children’s lives like being their “friends” and they shouldn’t be so cut off from them that they hardly talk.

My family structure is very different then the ideal one. However sometimes that’s just what we are handed and we need to make the best of it. We have tried to set better boundaries and have better leveled out relationships however because of homeostasis we all revert to our old roles. I really feel like my family needs to reestablish our roles and stick to them. Hopefully I will learn more to help my family get to this place.

Questions:

 Is it always best to strive for the “ideal” structure? I know in my family I get asked this a lot, “Why are you trying to change us? We are just fine the way we are.”

It’s not that I am trying to change them per say I just want what is best for my family. Should I want to change the structure of my family because that’s the best and easiest way for families to strive and be successful or should I just accept my role and my family structure and continue on struggling but managing?

Does Size Matter? ;)

This week I watched a movie titled Demographic Winter:

I realized size does matter! .... it matters when it comes to family sizes ;)

Ther movie talked about how fertility rates are decreasing and if it continues this way in the near future we will start to see a drastic decline in population.  I too was one of the many people that believed that human population would just always continue to grow and we would eventually run out of resources, food, and shelter. In fact increased population is a good thing. The more people we have on this earth the more people are working, creating, and providing benefits for the rest of the world. We would never starve because there were “too many people” instead we would flourish because so many more people would be farming and harvesting food. However this is not the case as more and more people are having less and less kids the population is actually declining which means the economy suffers, cultures and ethnicities disappear, and there are less people working to provide for others. 

I was shocked to hear to the author of The Population Bomb compared having 5 children to robbing a bank. His argument was that the more children you have the more money and resources you are taking away from others. This statement was appalling to me. Children are a wonderful blessing, a gift from God! Children bring joy and happiness into this world and they will eventually grow up and become doctors, professors, presidents, or other important people. Having a child will eventually bless someone somewhere else. I just think about the people I have met in my life time. Some people don’t even realize it but they have made my life easier and brighter just because they were around.

Before I watched this video I thought when I am married I want 3-4 kids now knowing how much family sizes and fertility rates actually matter I want 5 kids! Why not? If I am perfectly capable of raising children I might as well help my Heavenly Father bring more children into this world to bless it.

Bigger is Better... in the case of Families!